Look at that alliteration. It gives me chills, and it's not even particularly good alliteration.
So voting for the RPGSS S9 maps has officially closed, which means I can talk about the maps in good faith without influencing the two people who are probably reading this. I feel like I should add the foreword that not only am I critiquing these in a manner that completely ignores the rules for the round (Make it suitable for a flipmat, but cool enough to be superstar! I didn't know the oxymoron police were judging this), but I am awful at maps. I have already mentioned this at length. More often than not, I prefer my games to play out in the theater of my mind. Maps are great and all... but when you lack the tools to reproduce them on the table, the drawing skills to replicate them on a battlemap effectively, and the minis to really fill them out properly... they kind of take a back seat to the cinematic value of a location.
That's really how I'm going to be judging these. Does the location strike me as a place that would make for interesting gameplay? I want places that both me as a GM and the players are going to remember. I want stories to be told.
"Holy shit, remember that time we invaded the X to save the Y from Z and then some A busted in the window with his B?"
"Yeah, dude. I do. That shit was nuts."
It should also be noted before I begin that due to some DQs in the contest, I'm going to have to sort through and find those guys after I get through the two columns of maps. (On a related note, those DQs were bullshit. A lot of this round is bullshit. I'll rant on this another time, though.)
The Grimple Playhouse
This one is something that could have been simple and boring, but is executed really well. Run down playhouses are cool, though I'm not sure I'd have gone with 'it's really gross now!' as a main hook for it. That being said, the pit trap at the door with the slope to the icky pit of gross that lines up with the centerpiece hole in front of the stage? That's about as cinematic as it comes, there. The only problem I have with this map is it's supposed to be all grimpley, but I'm not feeling it at all. Urban squalor leads to gremlins messing with stuff and being all gross, sure, but... meh. When I saw the tunnels and the vermin connection, I was immediately thinking mites. I mean we've got a roach coach and some rat warrens and some spider-filled pillows... there's almost too much going on here for me to give a crap about the grimples. I'd rather take the basics of this, fill it with some crazy frickin' mites, and have them led by a mite bard 'genius' who is claiming the playhouse to write his people's masterpiece.
I am also a pirate bard at heart, so I may be biased.
Ruined Mountaintop Temple of Hei Feng
"This map was sent to us tiny!"
"Can I like, upload it again? I wish there was a preview button for the submit map tool. I can preview my text, but not the thing I'm actually being judged on. I mean, come on?"
"No. That's breaking DA RULZ."
"Um, alright. Guess I lose, then."
Look, I get it. People in the contest need to be competent enough to follow rules. But if you are a wannabe freelancer man (read: me) and are told to make a map and upload it and share it with the whole goddamn internet in three days or less... give a man a fucking break. Many of the people trying their hand at this RPGSS thing are trying their hand at this because they want to get into doing RPG stuff. They don't have any idea what DPI or dimensions or any of that shit means. (Read: me again.)
"Yeah, but if you sent this to your cartographer..."
He'd probably send you an email back and be like 'bro, you done messed up, fix it?' And you'd send him the real version with a 'haha oops my bad, bro.' Total time elapsed, 2 minutes, tops.
And the worst part of this is, I can't see shit. I can't even judge this thing. And that sucks, because it looks bitchin'. I can see there's something going on with elevations and a bridge, or something. I can see something awesome happening in that courtyard for sure. There's some stairs that go... somewhere? I can't tell if it's supposed to be on this map or not.
Man, I wish I was an ant right now, because I'd totally love to see this map.
[Edit: The round ended and the ant-map has successfully passed the muster of the miniature RPG player. The full-sized map is about as incredible as I expected it to be, with all of the awesome cinematic value I'd hoped for!]
The Clockworks
Meh. It's a lumberyard, but instead of making lumber they're using it to build a clock tower right smack here in the middle of a lumberyard. Nothing about the layout looks particularly exciting. Nothing about a clock tower in a lumberyard makes me want to adventure there. Nothing about this clock tower is particularly cinematic in nature. The damn thing's not big enough to have one of those crazy 'fighting all on top of these clockwork mechanisms' fights, and it's not even done.
That said, it's a solid map. It's a location that works. Everything that should be there is there. But why are they building a clock tower in the middle of their yard?
Boggart-infested saltmarsh and boathouse
I'm not really seeing a flooded marina here. I'm seeing a swampland with a wooden walkway leading out to some island that was obviously there before the place flooded, but is still there even with the flooding. Also the walkway is still here and above water. Instead, the structures that are clearly not flooded are damaged. And there's marshy terrain. You're in a swamp. Also there's some things across the water on some other island you probably don't care about. If this place is flooded, let's see it. String your docks across the islands and have 75% of the walkway just be gone. Have the remaining pieces standing on their moorings (or whatever those things are called?) just in the middle of nothing. Give us an incentive to cross the water, not just some bland 'there's boggards in dem waters.' Really, this doesn't even feel like a marina at all. It's just some guy's cabin and his wharf. And his house fell down, or something.
Brokeferry Bridge
This... sort of reminds me of my map, but way better. River centerpiece, busted bridge, old and abandoned stone structures overlooking said river. There's a lot going on here. The one thing that gets me is why the hell did the Gozrehites build a crooked bridge. "Welp, Frank, the water's gone. We're outta a job." "Damn. I guess we should build a bridge, then." "Why?" "Why not." "Because we're not going to get paid for building a bridge." "Nah see, let's just build it all crooked and stuff. Just to fuck with all those losers crossing on foot. Real men use boats. We used boats." "That's true, Frank. That's very true."
I'd almost say this map suffers from too much going on in one spot. I think it's the boggard village that puts it over the top. I'd rather have someone who has taken up residence in the old temple and claimed the crossing bridge-troll style. Boggards can be there too, but let's move their village just a bit further away. It's crowding my style.
Dwarven Brewery
I wonder if dwarves resent the stereotype. They sort of come off as badasses, but alcoholism is no joke, people. I wonder if dwarves have AA. They should.
I do like how we get real dwarven in here. Using magma and underground rivers and shit. So Dwarf Fortress up in here. Aside from these marvelous dwarven additions to the brewing process, this place does absolutely nothing for me. It's a brewery with a huge open room and some natural hazards on either side and a not-particularly-interesting hook. You know what I'd have liked to see? An elven brewery. Climbing up the side of a tree, using sap added directly to the casks for the natural flavor. Make it a series of vertical chambers and rooms with lots of elevators and pulley systems. Add in monsters clever enough to make good use of the vertical space. Bam, fight to remember.
Cabin in the Woods
Cabin in the Woods or House on the Beach? You be the judge. I can't be the only one seeing the green as palm trees and the yellow as sand and the dark blue spots as waves and the pantry is a deck for chilling and drinking mai tais and... yeah. Also, I really like what was done with the words allowed here. The seeds are sown for all kinds of adventures you can put here, without actually saying what's here. All the toys are in the box, but which one do you want to use? It's like having 600 games on Steam and never knowing what to play.
Unfortunately, the map itself isn't really inspiring. It's a structure and it's functional with doors and rooms and a place to poop. The most intriguing part is is the cellar. Who goes in those cells? What are they used for? Who's been locking people in the beach house against their will? Why? The rest is just... a beach house that isn't actually at the beach. It's not memorable enough to care.
Standoff at River Logjam
This is another map that suffers from 'not memorable enough to care.' It's a fine idea. Fighting atop logs in a rushing river while everything is moving all over the place and it's wet and oh crap don't fall in... it's cool. But the map tells me absolutely fuckall about anything. I could have gotten the map from the title of the map. There's a logjam. You're fightin' on it. Done. And that's a real shame, because that has a lot of potential to be a cool encounter people remember. It just doesn't need a map at all.
(Are we fighting on it? There's a setup with lumberjacks and fey. Where do the PCs come into this?)
Abaddon Breach Temple
Cool, a whirlpool. Whirlpools feel overdone, but that doesn't really detract from anything. Though if I was a devilfish and I was constantly spinning in circles, I'd want to cut that shit right out. This also seems like a strangely dead end for something that just happens to be in the sewers. And mostly devoid of water in the wings, despite being in a sewer. I'd almost argue this is another one that suffers from too much going on in too small an area. I'd rather it just take a single aspect of Abbadon and run with it. The four clerics guarding the portal are also super, super different. Like, not a single one of them just happens to be a random human? They've all got to be some snowflake monster-cleric? It all strikes me as playing upon coolness factor, while detracting from the core theme.
This is still a really, really cool map. (And I think that was the point.) I'm just struggling to make sense of it, even if there's a lot of potential for some really memorable encounters here.
Desecrated Sanctuary
This is another really solid map. It does what it sets out to do really well. It's put together nicely, it's not just super symmetrical cathedral, it's got some obvious places to do some obvious encounters with... but none of that adds up to particularly memorable. So there's some vampires in a crypt below some chapel, and they're making a big mess! Alright, but players have fought in temples a thousand times before. There's nothing particularly exciting about the temple that makes me want to remember this fight forever, and that's the only real problem I've got with this map. (Other than my previously stated gripes over this content's hard headed adherence to rules that shouldn't matter as much as they do. Give people the chance they deserve, rather than fucking them before they get that chance.)
Torvin Academy Quadrangle
I get the idea of this and the minecraft style doesn't even bug me. It's the layout that makes no sense. So you've prisoners that get dragged in on some lumpy carpet because why not. Unless you're a mage, because then you get dragged in from the other side and drowned first for good measure. Or unless you're a book, because then you've somehow ended up behind everything with the councilman's entrance. But the councilmen have to cross the whole courtyard to get up in their balcony, because putting a door behind the balcony would have been too hard. And it all adds up to a whole lot of why. Why am I here? Why do I care? What do these random 'NPCs do things here!' spots have to do with anything I'm doing? Is there an encounter here I'm not seeing? Am I supposed to fight over the final blade? Why? Who in their right mind would do that?
Cyclogenesis - Eye of Abendego
As someone who wanted to get a lot of 'there's a big ass storm here wrecking everything' in his own map and failed, I think this does a much better job at accomplishing that. I'm just not sure it works on a small scale. The hurricane spiral ends up looking like it's 20 feet across, and that's kind of silly. I like the clouds linked together by chains. Cloud islands chained together are not only super cinematic, they're badass. There's a lot of cool stuff that could be happening on these clouds. But the structures are... lackluster. The empty space is... empty. There's a toilet. (Two, even!) I'd rather have seen a series of interlocked clouds with different hazards on them. One row of clouds is trapped in the gale, constantly pushing you [some cardinal direction] at [some windspeed]. Another is a raging thundercloud, spitting thunderbolts at any who pass on or near. Another is the broken soul of a raincloud, and it rains up. Because magic.
Abandoned Noble Cemetery, Isarn, Galt
This one's nicely done. It's got circles, because circles look good, but things aren't centered perfectly so it has a good organic feel. It's got the ruined aspect down perfectly, while having buildings standing well enough to be explored and used and whatevered. It's got a good thematic thing going (and I don't even like Galt). And while that's all nice, it still doesn't feel particularly memorable.
Maybe it's my hate for Galt, or maybe it's the over-saturation of zombie stuff making graveyards old hat, or maybe it's just the lack of any one particular wow factor on the map. Whatever it is, there's nothing that really says to me I'm going to remember this map and whatever happened on it for a long time. I might, just because it looks really cool and I could definitely do cool things here, but it doesn't look that way.
Runic Hurricane Laboratory
At least everyone's remembering the toilet this time around. Seriously, don't most medieval era fellows just have chamber pots? If you're not using your unseen servant to dump your chamber pot, you're missing out.
Seriously, though, I think this is a solid map. It's not 'stuff as many cool things into one space as possible.' It takes a theme and runs with it. Who's in the summoning circle? What's making the wind go? What happens when you try to enter the place? It feels a little cramped for what I'd probably want to be some badass demon encounter with a mad cleric, but it does what it does well.
Black Dragon's Retreat
Black dragons never retreat. Except when they get old and lazier than they probably were already, because then they dig a hole and lay in it all day. Also even though they're totally minding their own business, everyone wants to kick 'em out of this hole. It's such a damn nice hole, go away.
It's a map with a dragon and a ton of natural hazards. Difficult terrain and methane explosion traps and different elevations and smoke and, the hell with it, let's just throw acid in the dragon's bath. This feels like another case of 'I need to make this cool, so let's put everything cool.' Granted, methane traps are not a common hazard. That's cool. Mud is also rarely used effectively, so that's good, too. But is this the dragon encounter I really want? The dragon's going to be flying. If I'm fighting an elderly black dragon, I'm probably flying too. Actually, if I know the elder black dragon is here, why aren't I in his lair just waiting? I could take his whole hoard and set up a brick wall of explosive runes in its place in the time this bastard's taking a bath.
Dragon encounters are supposed to feel memorable and cinematic. I think this one might be too cramped to actually do it justice. Triple the size of the map, give it some ten-foot squares and various chambers dedicated to their hazards with clear ways for the dragon to take advantage of the traps he's left in his bathroom. Which begs the question: where's the dragon's toilet?
Hot Springs Trail
My first thought was 'wow, that's a small wagon.' My second was 'wow, that's a really tiny hazard to even bother calling out at all.' You've spent half your fifty words explaining a 10x10 area no one is even going to walk into because there's plenty of room to walk around it. Nothing else is even really happening here, as far as I can tell. This all boils down to a terrible shame, because I think a fight with geysers blowing up all around you could be really frickin' cool. But put something there I care about. Give me a reason to walk around in the geysers. Give me a reason to care! I want to have them explode on my character while he's picking up something fancy and shiny and actually the geysers aren't powered by a hot spring, but by a steam elemental and he's pissed.
"Oh no, there's a log!" "We pick up the log and move it." "Oh no, there's glass!" "I'm not a smelly halfling, I wear shoes." "Alright, you're past the geyser field and are only 12 miles out of the nearest town..." "Brb, Cheetos."
Whew. Going through this many maps is a serious slugfest. The rest to follow soon, possibly with the DQ'd maps.
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